dancing on cortisone

the emptiness inside of me, the shallowness
creates an echo
it’s calling for someone to listen
to hear the past, the fading memories
it’s begging me not to forget the ache that once roared

but as I’m standing here, breathing fresh air for the first time
with lungs that carries the capacity to support me
to keep me here, alive
as I’m smiling wholeheartedly, genuinely
healing the shattered bones and hollow cavities
and I’m running gracefully like the wind, weightless and brave

the howls are silent
the riot has settled
the walls I built to protect myself have crumbled to the ground
my heart is ready to love and surrender after all these years
it’s been fighting to stay pure, unbroken
with such a strength and fierceness that I’ve questioned why I’m like this
why am I so afraid

and perhaps I have finally came to peace with myself
perhaps I can finally be free
free from constantly inhaling fireless energy
and exhaling the very core of my being, burning the power that guides me with every breath

perhaps I can finally follow the road to where I’m going
with armor from my scars
wisdom, balance
and with the knowledge of my cure and the cherished thought of knowing the reason for my loyal fatigue and weakness and learning I can beat it

I’ll be a superior me on the way there.

– Diagnosis: Addison Disease

ink-free piece of paper

Notes from a summer night back in London
with a glass of rum and coke and most likely Elvis

In my heart there’s a clouded trail leading to a secret chamber, where my defense goes blind, where everything that once hurt, reappears. For some people there’s a constant battle to keep sanity within reaching distance, for some, there’s simply nothing in their morning newspaper that states something about those silly things, and for some, the battle never saw the light.

And a hundred words could only say so much. A hundred sweet-talks, dirty-talks and then something in between. Your smile becomes my charm and your lies are like lace on my skin.

Misunderstanding and understanding, heartbreaks that leaves life-altering heartaches and the never ending guidelines for someone’s chance in life. Just like a demanding voice at night is bitter and tasteless in the morning.

– and commas are allowed